


The Fantastic Miss Piggy Fic

by oceloty



Category: The Muppet Show, The Muppets (2011), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 02:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceloty/pseuds/oceloty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh!” Miss Piggy exclaims. "You want to write about little ol' moi? Oh, oh, it is such an honour to be chosen to star in this year's Yuletide fic!" Introducing the Fabulous Miss Piggy, in her one hour fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fantastic Miss Piggy Fic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts).



> Disclaimer: the fic may not be Fantastic, but it needed a title. However, Miss Piggy will always be fabulous.

The white-gloved hand deposits the plate of éclairs, the glasses, and the champagne on the table. The waiter is psychic, possibly, because he also aligns himself between the table and the restaurant’s other diners, precisely before the celebrity interviewee screams, shakes her golden curls, and claps her hands across her snount.

 

[Correction: _elegantly_. The celebrity screams _elegantly_ , shakes her golden curls, and claps her hands across her snout. As she has pointed out.)]

 

“Oh!” Miss Piggy exclaims, and throws herself into the full view of the restaurant’s lunchtime crowd. “Oh!”

 

Despite the waiter’s best efforts, no fewer than twenty heads turn towards the table with the screaming pig wearing dark glasses, a trench coat, and a jewel-toned slinky evening gown. [Correction: also a matching tiara.]

 

All across the room, jaws hit the floor. Miss Piggy beams beneficently. Her elegant purple-gloved hand rotates slowly back and forth in a perfect Queen Elizabeth II wave.

 

“Er.” The writer leans across the table. “Perhaps, erm, in the interests of maintaining your privacy and preserving the Yuletide reveal --"

 

“Oh!” Miss Piggy exclaims, and then another scream. [Correction: a screamlet. An elegant screamlet.] "You want to write about little ol' moi? Oh, oh, it is such an honour to be chosen to star in this year's Yuletide fic!"

 

“Yes,” the writer agrees, because what else can one say when Miss Piggy is sitting across the table batting her eyelashes and vibrating with excitement. [Correction: _coyly_ batting her _dark and luscious_ eyelashes.]

 

Miss Piggy throws her head back ninety degrees and stretches her arm out parallel to the floor. The tasteful mood lighting reflects off the purple sequins of her gloves like the light of a thousand disco balls.

 

Across the restaurant, heads are still turned.

 

Another shake of the golden curls, and a squeal of pure delight from the famous pig. “A Yuletide fic with moi, moi, and more moi,” she muses. “So much many possibilities. My Emmy-worthy performance on Desperate Housewives. How I saved Manhattan and the Avengers’ bacon during the Chitauri invasion. The backstage shenanigans on my new Broadway musical, ‘When Pigs Fly.’”

 

Miss Piggy leans across the table. Beams that famous thousand watt smile. Demands editorial control. “So many wonderful stories to be written about me. Whatever will this story be about?”

 

“The story, yes,” The writer reaches for an éclair. “It should be about four hundred words,” the writer says, then vanishes in a puff of Yuletide cheer.


End file.
